CHRIS KAMARA - Pall Mall Barbers

CHRIS KAMARA SCORES AT PALL MALL BARBERS It’s a beautiful sunny day here at Pall Mall Barbers. Perfect conditions for wet shaving and I’m sure the expert staff here will be keen to wet their brushes and lather up some entertainment. And we can expect some entertainment today as Pall Mall Barbers will be hosting the legendary Chris Kamara, fresh from the punditry box and ready to unleash some sage advice and hopefully some memorable quotes.
Who of course can forget his choice words, “they’re fighting like beavers”? Maybe he’ll compare the experts at Pall Mall Barbers to woodland creatures or graceful gazelles on the Serengeti. Today Kamara’s stubble will be tackled by Adrian, a young speed talent known for whipping his cut throat razor across the face with breathtaking speed. But will he be able to negotiate the famously stubborn tache of Kamara, which is reportedly as hard as the ex-player who wears it?
Time will tell as kick off is in half an hour. Chris Kamara’s entourage has arrived and Adrian is limbering up. Kamara on arrival seemed relaxed and excited, but now the hour has come, he is clearly feeling the nerves despite his extensive large stage experience. Who would have thought the midfield enforcer with over 600 league appearances to his name would fear a little publicity shave?

Now comes the pre-match photos, which I believe will be displayed in the lad’s magazine “Loaded”. And the game is afoot as Adrian jumps out of the blocks and applies the barber shop owned brand of face balm to Kamara’s cheeks. Kamara takes everything thrown at him in a confident manner and even has time to chat to an interviewer from “Loaded”; until he is lost amongst the steaming towels which have expertly applied pressure to Kamara’s stubble from the get go. (Can I get away with saying “they are right in Kamara’s face” – I don’t think so). Once the towels are whipped away, Chris continues to give his interview with the panache he showed on the football pitch (but not always in the punditry box).
Now how are he, and more importantly his moustache, going to handle the shaving brush? As we expected, no mortal made brush nor blade can go near that facial hair and Adrian must settle on tackling the bristles away from that particular British stiff upper lip. Soon Kamara’s face is lost amongst the white lather of the barber’s shaving cream and Chris’ moustache resembles a surfaced submarine encased in the icebergs of the Antarctic. It’s time for Adrian to show those razor sharp skills that won him a place on the Pall Mall Barber’s team. He’s a player with a few tricks up his sleeve but he’s not taking Kamara’s weather beaten face for granted. Years of playing and commentating on windswept pitches - and let’s not forget his original career as a sailor - have left the hard man… well need I say more?
Adrian races through his moves and soon the long awaited match is nearly over. As the cut throat razor slices through the last stubborn hairs on Chris’ chin the crowd thinks it’s all over and, with satisfying predictability, it is now, as Adrian splashes the celebratory after shave on Kamara. So who won you ask? Well Kamara definitely left a winner, though I think it’s fair to say the spoils can be shared. Kamara leaves with tache intact and Pall Mall Barbers can take a moral victory that Chris Kamara’s cheeks look like they were when he played his debut for Portsmouth all those years ago (1975).



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