What Do Men Really Want?

Ok, so this title can be misread quite easily, or I’ve just put out there a very leading question. I apologise to all of you who read this article hoping for something a little juicy and come away disappointed. The reason I’m writing this article is because I went to a party last week and fell in love with the apartment it was being held in. It is everything a bachelor pad should be, including the lift opening up into the living room (it was a penthouse apartment). Maybe it’s a novelty thing which would wear off after the first couple of weeks, or maybe it’s genius. I’m not sure, because as I inferred last week, maybe what men find shiny and exciting one week quickly dulls in the light of the new latest must have.




The apartment in question had floor to ceiling shelves of Box Sets. I know, I had you at Box Set and interspersed between these viewing gems were iconic cinema graphic memorabilia – essentially geeky tributes to everything from Predator to The Godfather. Writing this I’m thinking this place was more of a dreamland for a Geek than a Lad, but as the Geeks are chic let’s go with it.



Now don’t get me wrong, I love where I live – it’s the nicest place I’ve lived in, in my adult life, but there was something so wonderfully uncompromisingly ‘toilet seat up’ male about this apartment it felt like a second home even though I had never been there before. Maybe it was because on every shelf in the living room I saw an old friend, “Hello The Wire seasons 1 through to 5” and “how’s it been The Sopranos, Smallville, Doctor Who and of course Friends”? Some of you might not see this as a male pursuit and I’m sure it’s not entirely, but in my personal experience – only men hoard DVDs, especially box sets.



When I was a recent graduate with only £11,000 debt in my back pocket and a somewhat useless humanities degree scroll in my hand, I decided to emigrate to Canada. They told me in no uncertain terms to come back in 2 years. So for the next couple of years I only bought things I thought I could easily transport 3,000 miles – namely DVDs. That was my genuine excuse. To this day the only piece of furniture I actually own is a small IKEA book shelf I keep my graphic novels on - oh and a couple of old degree books about some Prussian called Clausewitz. No guessing as to which I have read from cover to cover…



So of course I, like the man who owns a penthouse apartment, have lots of box sets, but mine are relegated to stacks in the spare room – out of sight out of mind approach. I’m not bitter – of course not, it is part of the understanding of co-habiting, but it is something the man who owns the penthouse doesn’t have to worry about. For him every title is blissfully on display in alphabetical order.



If you think I’m being a little nutty, let me refer you to one of my DVD favourites – “High Fidelity” starring John Cusack and Jack Black in what is, in my opinion, his best film role to date. Apparently it’s also a book… It’s about some seriously geeky music lovers. My favourite scene is when Cusack rearranges his vinyl collection so that it marries with his life experiences. The look of it on his shelves is in perfect harmony with his identity but to any one else would seem like a bizarre mass of musical confusion.



If I was an anthropological expert I’d properly be able to explain man’s need to hoard and display his trophies. I might be able to enlighten you with comparisons between the modern man and his primate relative and his love of strangely shaped stone collections, but I can’t, though I’m sure there are such comparisons.



In writing this I have come to a decision. When I have in my possession the fortune I hope to make one day, whether that be from my creative work, a winning lottery ticket, or my personal favourite – a Goonies adventure – I plan to own a house in which I will create a top floor serviced by an elevator that opens out into my sanctuary of manhood, my oasis of geek, my…. Ok the top floor is basically a home cinema!



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