Tattoo or not to Tattoo

I’m sitting in Pall Mall Barbers on yet another wet Monday afternoon. It’s particular gloomy outside so it’s probably a good idea to turn away from the window and see what’s going on inside the shop! Adrian is just about to give a haircut to a bloke who I’d say is in his early to mid 30s. The man looks like he takes care of himself without being a gym freak and clearly takes pride in what he wears, but as he takes off his designer jacket I can see through his pink (sorry salmon) shirt the dark definition of a large tattoo. It starts on his shoulder and works its way down his shoulder blade. The idea that this well groomed man should also have a chunky tattoo sort of surprises me, but should it?

A few years ago I became friends with a lovely man who in many ways was very much like me. We were roughly the same age, both in long term relationships, not originally from London but had lived here now for many years - my friend in fact comes from Ireland and he speaks with a gentle brogue accent. However, on the surface we couldn’t look more different, the reason being my friend is covered from head to foot in tattoos. That’s not strictly true, his face is bare but the rest of his body is a cacophony, or rather a kaleidoscope of tattoos including his scalp.
We became good friends partly because when I made the decision to leave my job and pursue my ambition to be a writer my friend was in the same process of leaving his safe job and venturing into the scary world of tattooing. We both found ourselves exposed to the elements of our new industries feeling extremely unequipped and wading upstream, constantly fighting the apathy of those, who in our eyes, held the key to our futures.
By happy coincidence he is now working in a shop just round the corner from where I live and on slow days I pop round for a coffee and a chat. It’s funny - the first time I visited I was quite nervous to walk into a tattoo parlour. I have never had a tattoo and have never really had a compulsion to get one either. It’s not that I have anything against them, quite the opposite – a good tattoo on the right person looks great. What I know for certain is I’m not the right person.
Anyway, entering the tattoo shop surprised me as I was expecting employees with attitude and dark gothic interior design, what I saw was more what my local GP surgery aspires to achieve yet fails to attain miserably: a clean, bright, cheerful shop with welcoming staff. I was completely astonished by this at first but then on review I had to admit that my mate was a friendly, cheerful man who wouldn’t want to intimidate clients or work somewhere gloomy and dingy, but also tattoos don’t just decorate the flesh of overweight bikers. More and more people from all spectrums of life are choosing to get tattoos, whether they are Milwall fans or Oxbridge students – tattoos are definitely up for grabs.
One reason why I’ve never thought seriously about getting one is because what on earth could I choose that I would still want in ten years time, let alone 30 or 40 years from now. I have a friend who got a tattoo of a dolphin on her foot. For her it’s a reminder of a time when she was very happy and so whether her feelings about our aquatic mammal relatives cools over the years hopefully her tattoo will still be able to conjure up happy memories for her. For many people this decision making is the sticking point with any tattoo. If you watch just five minutes of any of the American tattoo shows, “LA Ink” or “Miami Ink” etc the client is hit with the question “why? – what does this tattoo signify” and the client will often refer to a dead sister, brother, child, granny, pet guinea pig. They never ever say, “because I think it would look nice”.
I know that my friend finds these shows infuriatingly patronising, as if tattoos need to resemble something greater whether past or present in the client’s eyes. For my friend it is simply art. And that’s his background. Before he became a tattoo artist he would draw and paint; what he’s seen himself do is swap sketch pad and canvas for torsos, arms, legs and the odd backside. However I think the problem for him is that although he sees it as art and relishes the opportunity to do “big pieces” the clients he often has to deal with see it as novelty. I mean how do you explain to a kid that getting a bar code on the back of your neck really isn’t cool or querying the 18 year olds desire to get his girlfriend’s name emblazoned across his pec?
My favourite bad tattoo choice has to be a woman in the 60s who decided to have “mild & bitter” etched for all eternity across the tops of her breasts with the “&” in the cleavage. Now if she was in her 20s in the 60s she must be in her 60s now – one shudders to wonder what her tattoo must look like and whether she still enjoys her witticism. That must be one rule everyone has to abide by – don’t bring humour into your tattoo as humour dates badly.
So what makes a good tattoo? Something meaningful or beautiful, or personal, or what? My friend would say, “Don’t ask the question.” I would have to reply “How on earth can you not?”
Tell me what you think of the tattoo and if possible let me know any horror stories – they’re always fun! Email me at pallmallbarberslondon@gmail.com

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